Imagine my surprise this morning at about 7 a.m. when I was greeted by the gushing sycophants in the media announcing that our Prez, Barack Hussein Obama, had won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. I quickly searched out a calendar to make sure that this wasn't April 1st and I was being duped by a perverse joke. Sure enough it is only October 9th and he did in fact win the award. What I have yet to hear is some coherant explanation of what he has done to deserve to be on the same stage with the likes of Mother Theresa, Anwar Sadat, and Bishop Desmond Tutu? His "body of work" is thinner than his rail-thin butt and he hasn't put any fat on it since becoming president.
Apparently the Committee doesn't really require that you have a good game, just that you can talk one. They lauded him for his World Apology Tour on which he told the world the United States was a sorry excuse for a world power and that he was going to make it his mission to demote us to the ranks of, for example, Norway. His efforts to appease the Muslim world also made them happy. Add to that his plans to create a socialized health care system, global warming initiatives, and cap and trade regulations set the Committee all a twitter. Thank God all he has been able to do is TALK these issues to death. None of his great plans for America have seen the light of day but he does talk a good game!
So in the spirit of this year's winner I hereby announce that I will allow my name to be placed in nomination for the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize. Before you scoff at the suggestion here are just a few of my accomplishments that qualify me for this prestigous award:
1. I love my country and served it as a member of the U.S. Navy (1970-1974).
2. I have been married to my lovely wife for over 35 years (that may disqualify her for the prize)
3. I take care of the elderly daily and have made it my life's work.
4. My dogs are really happy to see me when I come home each night.
5. I have a plan to pay off the national debt in 3 years, even with more than a trillion dollars being added to it each of those years. Trust me, I am a magician with numbers!
6. I have a son that is going to cure cancer in our lifetime. I raised him so I should get some credit for that!
7. I will raise the tax rate on those evil rich folks that make over $75,000 to 150%. Make that $100,000 because I make over $75,000.
8. I personally plan to adopt the nation of Ghana.
9. I have never slept with one of my subordinates at work.
10. I know when the rapture will occur. (It's closer than you think!)
You see the first four qualifications I have already accomplished and I am working real hard on the rest of them. The problem is I haven't been talking about them enough. So I am putting together the Peace Prize Tour. Unfortunately my current vacation has depleted my travel funds. Therefore for anyone that wants a real person to win this $1.4 million next year please send your contributions to :
Larry Roberson
2010 Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Lockhart, TX 78644
Your contributions are NOT tax deductible but if I raise enough we will go to McDonalds and get a latte. And for the person that nominates me I will buy them a Quarter Pounder with cheese. I'll bet that is more than Barack did!
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